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Copyright 1989, 2006: Jeff Epstein and Albert Danas. All rights reserved.
Abbie and I were the Scarecrow (him on day one, me on day two) in a summer stock production in 1989 at Poquessing Middle School, where I also went for sixth through ninth grades. We had a blast writing this, and ultimately performed it for some friends outside a restaurant in Northeast Philly (on Bustleton Avenue, south of Cottman. I know where it is, but I don't know the name), right before we all went to see Honey I Shrunk the Kids at the Orleans 8.
I am so proud of this. It's meant to be performed by two people, generally splitting the paragraphs. Bold is said by both.
Now...
...here's a little ditty that we know you'll like
about two buffalos and a beat box, sike!
In a black and white town named Kalamazoo,
lived a girl named Dorthy in a house that flew
over the river to Munchkinland,
where they all came out to give her a hand
for killing the Wicked Witch of the East.
They told her that the witch was a horrible beast.
She said "home" is where I want to be.
They said "the Wizard of Oz is who you want to see".
Then the dead witch's sister appeared, and the green smoke flew
She said, "I'll get you Dorthy, and your little dog, too."
She looked down at her shoes with the ruby red luster.
They told her to follow the brick road colored mustard.
The yellow brick road is what they said.
Not the orange or green, blue violet or red.
She said "where's the brick road?" and the Scarecrow pointed,
but she did not know that he was double jointed.
He said, "I don't got nothing between my ears
And it's been that way for a couple of years."
(Dorthy) "What you really need is a brain."
(Scarecrow) "If I don't get one, I'll go insane."
The Wizard's the man you want to see,
Right down the brick road. Just follow me!
The yellow brick road is what she said.
Not the orange or green, blue violet or red.
Soon they got down, real deep in the woods,
going up the brick road, as they knew they should,
when they met up with this man of tin.
They heard his cries from deep within.
"Ohhhhh" moaned the metal man,
as they loosened him with the oil can.
(Tin Man) "A hollow sound comes from my soul
Where there should be a heart, there's only a hole."
(Scarecrow) "Come on with us, we know this man
who'll give me a brain, and a heart for your can."
(Tin Man) "Okay, that's hip, so how do we go?"
(Scarecrow) I haven't got a brain, so I don't know.
The yellow brick road is what she said.
Not the orange or green, blue violet or red.
"Roar" is what they heard next.
A lion jumped out and they were perplexed.
"C'mon, put 'em up. I'll fight y'all".
Slllllllaaaaap. "Oh, you hurt my paw."
(Lion) "Some king of the jungle I turned out to be.
Not even the mice are afraid of me."
"The Wizard's the answer for you my friend.
Just come with us, down to the end of...
...the yellow brick road is what she said.
Not the orange or green, blue violet or red.
When they finally go to the town of green,
The Wizard, he was kind of mean.
They asked him what they wanted, really nice.
(Wizard) "Let me give you some good advice:
First you gotta do something for me.
Kill the Wicked Witch, and then we'll see."
(Dorthy) But the Wicked Witch has been put to rest.
(Wizard) That was the East. I mean the West.
So, off they went to the witch's lair,
hanging by the thread of a wing and a prayer.
Then the Witch's henchmen took Dorthy to the castle
and gave the Scarecrow, Lion and Tin Man a hassle!
But they beat up the henchman with the rhythym and rhyme,
and rescued Dorthy in the nick of time.
The Wicked Witch got really steamed,
set the Scarecrow ablaze and made him scream.
Dorthy got the pail of H20,
and the Witch screamed, "I'm melting, oh no!"
They went back to the Wizard to settle the score
(Wizard) "Thanks so much, but I want more."
(Dorthy) "The Witch is dead, we made a bargain.
So give us our stuff, and not that jargon."
Turns out that the Wizard was a fraud,
The Lion was shocked. Dorthy was appauled.
So in compensation for their feat
he gave them some trinkets that we're pretty neat.
A scroll for the brain, a clock for the heart,
a plaque for the courage. Dorthy was torn apart.
She had no trinket and felt all alone.
He said, "Don't worry baby, I'll get you home."
They walked down to the courtyard hand-in-hand.
The Wizard took off with the sound of the band...
The Tin Man said "neat", the Lion said "groovy.
What a great way to end a movie."
She woke up the next morning as the church bell strikes...
With two buffalos and a beat box...sike!